Reality is for those that cant handle drugs?

Reality is for those who cant handle drugs. A statement for druggies by druggies. Reality is relative to ones own understanding of thier enviroment.

My reality is new to me because for so long I lived in a state of elevated denile. I was sheltered from reality, shielded from my own hell that I created by the false reality that I manifested in my addiction.

For me, the use of meth was a everyday cycle. I used to tell all of my friends, "better in me than on me!" I was one of those muscle headed idiots that had no limitations on the amount I could do before I would snap. I was always ready to snap, meth just increase the probability that I would.

My friends used to laugh and joke about the way I would throw a piece of meth in my mouth, crunch it between my teeth and swish it around like mouth wash. A friend once told me it was the fouliest thing he had ever seen. For me, it just shortened the time before the effects would kick in. I also enjoyed the taste of the drug.

My use of meth enhanced every aspect of my life, FULL TILT was my objective. Enhanced is an odd choice of words. To enhance means to make better, to encrease or to better something. I nearly lost everything however, the highs I got were unimaginable.

My good friend, whom I am no longer able to associate with used to jump off the moon. By jump off the moon i mean this. We would find two of the largest piece of meth or ice in the bag and throw it in our mouths. Imagine if you would, taking a blind step off the moon and falling to earth, once you hit the ground you bounce back up to pluto. My heart trembles and my skin crawls as I remeber the sensation all to well.

Today was a rough day, I sit in my prestine office, surrounded by all of the work related items and METH still calls me. For people like me....... You can take the meth out of our bodies however, you cant take the meth out of our minds. I may be clean physically but my mind is blowing up on the thought of being fucked up. I am a METH HEAD, fault me if you will, judge me if you are that confident in your life. I know what I am, I know where I have been and I know where I will not be going again. For me this is the reality I wake up with and falll asleep with each day.

I wish my fellow Meth heads the best in thier active addictions. May the crystals be true and the law be oblivious to your quest for that rush. I envy your freedom from the reality of what you are doing to yourself. I hope that your cook has his head on straight and doesnt fry you because he has not slept in a week. I sound like a bitch, you have no idea how much more of a man or woman you can be with out that shit. Contradictions, yup.......... I dont chose to be sober, I MUST........... Because I can not control my addiction. I cant simply get trashed saturday and be ok monday. For me, days become weeks, weeks become months and months end up years later and I have nothing to show for it but scar tissue.

If you ever wonder if your HOOKED. Look yourself in the mirror (when your sober) promise your self you wont get high this weekend, go get some shit and heres the kicker, DONT DO IT!!!!!!!!

Yeah its easy, not a chance in hell. You cant promise yourself that and mean it. You will do it if you have it. I did everytime. I would still do it now. I know where to find it, know I could have it right now. But the promise I made to myself I made honestly. I have people counting on me to remain clean. I have something I have never had, a reality I am in control of. It might not be a bed of roses, but METH never was either. I just know that I love METH, it just doesnt love me back. It steals from me, makes me hurt, makes me hurt people and brings out the monster that lives with in my mind.

I am an addict, my addiction is meth, I will never be cured but I dont have to use today to get to tommorrow. I am not willing to sacrifice my self for my addiction. My addiction must become a driving force to remain sober if I am to survive.

Thats all I have tonight. In the future, I plan to post my jurnal entries from my experiences at a rehab clinic in Birmingham Alabama. This might help shed alittle light on where I am coming from.

To the die hards. There is no one outside the window. Make sure your shades are not all bent up. The people next door will notice that..........